I’ve spent plenty of words explaining lots of things that are happening and lots talking about how Costa Rica is as a country, etc. But I thought I’d switch up the narrative a little and talk a bit about what’s going through my head during this experience thus far and some of the challenges I’m facing.
Firstly, and more than any of the other things I’m feeling right now, I’m really happy to be here. I’m so blessed to have the opportunity to be here and definitely wouldn’t rather be doing anything else.
There’s also a whole mix of other things going on too though. I do miss home (NM), especially since I haven’t been home since December. I would love to see Dad and Mom and Meredith but that’ll have to wait until the end of July. I also really miss my Rice/Agape/Hanszen friends. I know they’re all off having their own adventures and jobs and am looking forward to continuing to hear about those as the summer goes on. My attitude towards being away from the people I care about has been very different than when I was in South America. That time, it was 8 months away from everyone- an entire semester and summer. I knew I couldn’t maintain relationships with everyone for that time. But now, with only three months away, I’m making a much more concerted effort to keep in touch. I’m not so immersed in the I-need-to-be-here-and-not-tied-to-the-US attitude as I was before. I think that’s okay. It’s a different situation, a different time.
I’m not sure yet how I feel about my service. I think the kids are terrific, but I’m wondering what good I’ll be able to do long term. My goal isn’t simply confined to “teach English for two months.” I want them to see more purpose in learning English and instill a greater love for learning. All of my kids come from a really impoverished area and a lot of times, there’s a lack of parental involvement or support when it comes to helping them learn. Even if I can get them pumped up while I’m here, I really don’t know what kind of lasting impact I can have. I spend a lot of time being frustrated because it seems like the kids never have any time to spend in class- they’re either at recess, an assembly, on vacation, or just generally running around screaming.
This may come as a shock, but I’m actually incredibly quiet here (I know, I know, laugh it up). Talkative Megan got left behind in the States along with Obsessive Planner Megan, Unnecessarily Inflexible Megan, High Cleanliness Standards Megan, and Painfully Punctual Megan. I just operate differently here. It’s strange. There’s really no point in making my own detailed plans and timetables because they will inevitably be changed by some outside force. Just because I’m in a hurry doesn’t mean anyone else is. And if I insisted on American standards for sanitation, I’d never find anything to eat. I’ve found that I can be much more laidback and “go-with-the-flow” here. Granted, if I couldn’t, I wouldn’t enjoy anything about this experience.
As far as clicking with the other volunteers, I haven’t yet. The high turnover rate makes the relationship dynamic interesting here. Most people are just getting here or on their way out and you’ll only know each person for probably a couple weeks max. The temporary state of everything combined with how different everybody is makes for interesting [shallow] group dynamics. Lack of connections with people here certainly makes me miss my friends back home all the more.
On the physical side of things, the heat is still trying to smother me, but I’m doing better with dealing with it, or at least getting used to it. I seem to be a magnet for bugs, even with bug spray on and am covered in a bajillion bites. Still not as bad as whatever I got in South America, so I’m great.
All that said, I’m still so thrilled to be here. I’m looking forward to more time teaching and more weekend adventures. Growing in emotional stability and independence is/has been one of my goals for this trip and I think there will be plenty of room to develop in those areas.